just come out here and I will go home with you...
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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