you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
