think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
