Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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