She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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