I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
