69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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