I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize
