dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
