I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
