I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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