so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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