I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
