My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
