He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
