Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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