I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
