Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
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I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
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Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
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