we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
