Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
