Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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