We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
