I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
