I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
