my vag is so smooth its legendary
Its about making memories worth repressing
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
