you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
