Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
