when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
