just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
