She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
