Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
