i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Randomize
