Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
