Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
