I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
