I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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