ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
