You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
