Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
