you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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