wrigley field is MILF paradise
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Randomize
