Apparently you make a good broom.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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