Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
