when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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