Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
this will be a night to untag.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize