Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
