just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i already hear my dad disowning me
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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