i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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