I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
