My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
