I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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