But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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