STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Randomize
