I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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