i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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