I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
