a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
