I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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