as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Randomize
