in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
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I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
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Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I'm both gender and math confused
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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