Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Randomize
