This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
