I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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