I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
