I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
