Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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