Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
im holly from the hills drunk
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
