I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
