Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
The feeling are messing with the penis
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
