About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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