Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize
