mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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