there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
