omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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